My heart only breaks when it’s beating.
I keep thinking about him… us. It sucks. I saw a picture of him today. I swear 78593954 billion memories came rushing to my head. I want to go up to his door and ask him if we can try it again, just one more time is all. I just want to see if one more time is all it takes. I pushed him away in the beginning. This all ended because of me and I can’t let myself live that down. I think I finally moved on. But I know I haven’t. I know I can’t. It’s impossible. I’ll try anything once. I tried. Then failed. I want to kiss him one last time. hug him, hold him, be with him one last time. So many of my questions for him go unanswered. That’s how it will always be. It still hurts. I think about him almost everyday. June 2 will have been a year since the first time we dated. It’s all so misunderstanding why things like this happen to us. We don’t know why or how to fix it. I only know one thing: I love him, forever and always. I can promise you that. I saw my future with that boy and now I might as well not even have a future, because the one I want isn’t going to happen until he’s all mine again. I don’t see that happening though. Life is in the way of living. I can’t get past it. I tried. Then failed. Just like I do at everything else. I still write letters to him, but never send them. I wish at 11:11, but nothing ever comes true. I still call him, but he never answers. I still dream, but it never helps. I try. Then fail. Will I Ever Be His Again? The question has gone unanswered for awhile. Come back? Please.
